#1: Real or Fake? I have written a political manifesto. It came on me slowly. What is real or fake news? I feel helpless, and no matter what I do I am not being able to control anything? I am having a crisis of conscience. I have had to seclude myself from the news. So that I can clean my thoughts of fear, and anger that is bigger the me.
#2: My Oncologist is doing a great job keeping me alive. I have two weeks per month where I feel strong. I have not felt this way in many years. Then the symptoms have returned, cancer or side effects? What happens to me; my lumbr vertebrae two goes numb with a feeling of pins and needles down to my knees. Emergency, I look for a landing pad becase after the nerve pain down my lower limbs My lower legs turn into rubber, and I crash. Holy Cow!
#:3 Change: No one likes change. Change is inevitable, to keep my sanity I will turn off the news, and pray everyone gets along. Also, I will prepare a bag in case I have to go to the hospital, pull my self togeather and stop blubbering about other people problems. Than I will pull all my energy and maefest it in my my novel “The Cat’s Lair.”
I feel like life is taking me on a rollercoaster ride. I will smile and enjoy the journey.
Trying hard to live a normal life. What is normal anyway? Now that COVID-19 has closed America down. Looking back at all the good friends and interesting 😁 life experiences. I have lived. I talk to myself. “It’s ok to have a new normal just make sure you keep making memories.” We will survive this deadly virus. True American are made of strong stock. Change is never easy. Look at this ime in history as a time to heal as individuals, and come togeather as people helping those around you in need. God Bless America, PEACE
In January 2020, I will have been fighting cancer for four years. Unbelievable. I never wanted to go through the process of traditional chemotherapy. Yet life means more to me than pain.
I eat I breath, and I like to be prepared. Now, I am joining the chemotherapy army. The Oncologist staff have stratagies to help kill cancer cells ,and it takes place in the chemo room. I have had my medicine port cleaned out in the chemo room. Now, I will be a participant this week, A Private with dreams of success, and fears of the effects the medicine has on my body. I have been looking at the chemo room hoping I will not have to sit there and have medicines inserted into my veins to fight my disease. Wish me luck , and pray the treatments will kill the bloody cancers trying to kill me. I call these cells demons. I will not give up.
Several months ago we lost the patriarch of our family. He was a successful man who worked hard and achieved the American dream. He had a dry sense of humor, and a was a role model to all that knew him. He was my fathers oldest brother, and we loved him very much. I pray my uncle and my father meet in heaven. Along with all my families lost souls.
I am not including real names. Privacy?
Yesterday, my family from out of town, got together to celebrate my uncles life. He passed away after suffering with health problems for years. It was a fantastic event. Afterwards, I knew I would like to spend more time with everyone there. I am praying the next event will be a wedding.
I FEEL LUCKY! I AM STARTING THE SUMMER SEASON IN DUCK N.C. THANKS TO MY AUNT MARGARET. TIMES ARE MELENCOLY DUE TO THE MASS SHOOTING OF 12 VIBRANT SOULS IN VIRGINA BEACH. MAY ANGELS TAKE THEIR SOULS DIRECTLY TO GOD, AND I PRAY NO ONE SUFFERED. I FELT LIKE CAPS TODAY. OH, WELL LIFE IS TO SHORT AND CAN BE TAKEN WHEN LEAST EXPECTED. PEACE MARY
The Art of Peace by Morihei Ueshiba. Translated by John Stevens SHAMBALA, BOULDER 1997.
YOGA 365 Daily Wisdom For Life On and Off The Mat. Susan and Harwood Ruebin. CHRONICAL BOOKS, San Franscico, 1997.
Meditation From The Road, The Road Less Traveled. Daily Reflections From The Road Less Traveled, and the Different Drum. M. Scott Peck, M.D. A TOUCHTONE BOOK. Published by, Simon & Schuster NEW YORK LONDON TORONTO SYDNEY TOYKO SINGAPORE
It happens when your terminal illness leaves you home alone , and unable to drive. Your thoughts become almost like a friend except they do not talk back. Lost in reflection? Is it good or bad? Percentage wise, I reflect on what should I do? Nothing major. How can I take my Grandson Hudson to the Zoo, Beach, and Children museum. I try to leave negative thoughts out of the conversation. I know, on a dreary Friday and I start writing, that it’s a good day. I thank God and the universe for all that is good! PEACE
Stage 4 Living Life to the Fullest With Terminal Cancer
Pain is subjective. Everyone has their own pain threshold. The medical community gauges a patient’s pain level between one through ten. One being the least to ten the worst amount of pain.
If you have never experienced chronic pain, it is hard to comprehend how it feels? I experienced sleepless nights where finding a comfortable position was impossible., simple acts we take for granted like walking…breathing…become arduous tasks. Chronic pain is no joke?
What happens before you are a “patient” In “chronic pain?” Living without access to prescription pain medications. It isn’t pretty! Living becomes and exercise in control. Trying anything “legal” to help make it through the seconds, minutes and hours of the day. In a nut shell “Getting through the day becomes a frantic search for help?” Unfortunately, in most cases it takes Doctors time and a lot of testing to find out what is wrong, and put a label on the cause of the pain? So that medication can be prescribed. For me it took four long months to be diagnosed with lung cancer.
I will never forget what I call the “c-battle.” Living with active cancer cells wreaking havoc in my body. Causing destruction and irrevocable damage to my body, and without treatment the awful cancer cells grew strong and metastases down the vertebrae of my neck and spine. Fracturing seven vertebrae, and killing nerves along its path of destruction. All the while I begged my primary care physician for an MRI, and was told “your insurance will not cover it.”
So, I have put together a list of do’s and don’ts from mistakes I made, and helpful tips on how to navigate the quagmire of red tape patients face within the medical industry.
I am writing this book to help me come to grips with my disease…as well as giving others who face a similar fate…who struggle like me everyday… inspiration on how to live life to the fullest with cancer.
Yesterday, my sister Martha and her husband Eric took me antique shopping. I was having fun, but as time went by I began to melt. Walking became a chore, and I became dehydrated. It got so bad I thought I might faint. I was lucky a nice sales lady took care of me. Thank you “Hudson House Galleries” in Funkstown, MD, for giving me a bottle of water and a comfy chair to sit on as I regained my strength. They are mastercraftsman at antiqe resoration, and a go-to shop for interior designer’s. I am not use to small town kindness. One thing I know is I like it. I take alot of medication and live in fear I may get sick…fall etc., when I am out. I am lucky I have wonderful friends and family to take me where I need to go.
Link to Hudson House Gallery, Inc.
1 S High Street, Funkstown MD. 21734